Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
