I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
