They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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