the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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