if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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