This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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