Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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