I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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