So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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