so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
