Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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