Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
