I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
