Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
