Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
