it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
