You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
