id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
