my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so let's talk penis.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
