YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
