I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
