I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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