why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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