Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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