Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
