Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
