The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
