I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
