it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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