I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just high enough for therapy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
