Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
