Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
