For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
