We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
