the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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