I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
