Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
