1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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