dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
