I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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