hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
