lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
