your thong is hanging out like whoa
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
