Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
