my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
