i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
