i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize