Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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