I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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