wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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