i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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