my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
