tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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