Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
