guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
