i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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