I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
