a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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