Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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