i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
