Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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