Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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