in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
