i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I believe in your delicious
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
