so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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