More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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