Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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