i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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