i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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