You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
