Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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